Saturday, July 10, 2004

Think cow!

A Cornish farmer friend of mine tells me that, if you need a policeman, forget old ladies mugged, cars pinched or good old breaking and entering. Think cow!

Last night, he was just about to eat his supper, when a heifer walked up the drive and looked in at him through the window! He went out, opened the side gate into the paddock and with dog's help she ambled back to join the others.

An hour or so later the neighbour rang. Not one but two policeman and car looking for "badly injured, rampaging bullock... May need vet, may need to be put down. Where was it? Was it lying injured? WHOSE was it?"

By that time all was quiet, so he played dead too. Rampaged bullock with grave injuries? Err, not really. Very friendly yearling heifer, bulling (as they do) had stepped over crappy fence and had a six inch scratch on her brisket.

She'd explored the nearby estate, caused a rumpus which resulted in the two policemen, then come home to ask to be let back in the field.

All this falls into perspective when you realise that N. Cornwall only has two policemen on duty from Bude to Newquay at night! And, that night, the farm got both - or at least the heifer did.

Of course, if there had been a burglar breaking into the house....


At 10:32 pm, Blogger Matthew said...

It may be even better to be a fish!
If you're a sturgeon - even with a royal warrant - you get not only a constable or two, but a Scenes of Crime Officer as well.

Described on West country television recently, the aforementioned beast was caught in S. Wales and trucked to a Plymouth fish auction, complete with a royal assent letter, from HRH telling the fisherman who caught it, that on this occasion, Her Majesty did not require caviar, and he could dispose of the fish as he saw fit.

To the amusement of the reporter, who described the proceedings as 'bizarre', the fish was then impounded as 'someone' had found an obscure law forbidding the sale of sturgeon - even if the Queen thought it OK. Cut to TV shot of one very dead fish, resplendant on bright blue tarpaulin, surrounded by yellow tape and being photographed from all angles by a Scenes of Crime Officer!

Next morning local police reported that it had mysteriously disappeared, and they were searching for it.
It was later located in a (large) deep freeze!
You couldn't make it up, could you!


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